You were wearing the prettiest dress that day and you never have seen him that handsome before. In a few minutes, you’ll be saying your vows and you’ll be together for the rest of your life. The wedding reception was such a party! It was a day to remember. All the love families and friends shared that day made it much more special.
Most married couples say that the first year of marriage is full of challenges. You will now have to learn how to work as a team. It is usually about each other’s attitudes that went unnoticed during the dating period. Most couples also create expectations of one another that make them feel that they are not good enough for one another or worse, competing with each other. They get caught up of pleasing their partners that they forget marriage is a mutual relationship.
I wasn’t a stranger to the first year difficulties. I married the man I love but there are rough days and there are days we just feel like we don’t get along. What saved us from the first year of marriage is that before we are lovers, we are friends.
Here are some tips that might help you survive your first year of married life.
Sing it, spell it and don’t forget it!
During the first year of marriage, you will get to know your partner really well. You’ll be living with each other under the same roof and there will be days that you just won’t agree with each other. There will even be days that you argue over very trivial things. But never forget to be respectful with each other. Treat each other with kindness no matter how upset you are.
If you partner is being very moody, try to lighten up a bit. Don’t go head on with each other and always keep your cool. Don’t bad mouth each other over every little misunderstanding. Remind yourself to be kind to your partner every day.
2. Seek Advice
You don’t have to pay a visit to a therapist to sort things out.
It’s easy to get lost in the romance of the first year of marriage. Back to reality, there will be a lot of things to consider. It’s alright if you ask advice from married friends and family. Getting an outsider’s perspective of things may help you sort out issues you may have.
Are you having difficulties with your finances? Are you not getting along with your mom- in-law? You can ask friends who have been married for a while how they got through with their issues. Listening to someone who has experienced the problems you are currently facing will make you feel that you can get through it too.
3. Hello, Family!
You’ll be an instant Uncle of 10 nephews and nieces!
You are now part of each other’s families. You might not like his sister. He might not like your Aunt Carrie who asks about how much he earns. Relatives are going to be part of your lives no matter how you annoying, meddling or unpleasant they are. Try to work around certain people in each other’s family and be open to each other about it. Be civil and treat them with respect.
You’re invited to her cousin’s wedding and you know Aunt Carrie will be there. Instead of avoiding her, say a quick hello and just go on with your day. Don’t let relatives ruin your relationship with your partner or other family members.
4. Don't Be Afraid Of Arguments
Don’t fight, argue.
Arguments can be healthy for couples. You will learn a lot from each other and will improve how you get along in the coming years living together. Instead of screaming at each other, have a constructive argument and don’t forget to take a moment if you feel like you’re losing your temper. Tell him you need a minute to get some air. Wait for your partner to calm down and use your time alone to think of what you can say too. Control your temper when arguing and you’ll arrive at a more logical decision.
5. Plans, Plans, Plans
Make plans about your life together 5 or 10 years from now. That includes kids, finances and career. As much as possible, be on the same page so you can both move forwards and follow you plan. Consider each other’s decision and take the time to talk it through. It can’t be done in a night so don’t avoid the conversation. It may seem a repetitive subject but you’ll both get the hang of it.
6. Are You Jealous?
Always ask yourself, why should you be jealous?
If your spouse the jealous type, you might find yourself feeling guilty without even doing anything. Just assure your spouse that you can talk to each other and don’t go behind each other’s backs to find out how things are going. Don’t speculate. It’s better if you can ask direct questions. You’ll both be able to understand each other when you don’t assume things.
Your cell phone rings and “Clarissa” is calling. Chances are, if she doesn’t know anyone named Clarissa, she will give you the stink eye. What do you do? Take the call and talk to whoever is calling. After the call, tell her who called and why. If she gets jealous, explain to her why she should not and remind her that you respect her and will not do anything to hurt your marriage.
7. It's not all about the Money
We need money, but it’s not everything.
Living together means paying for the bills together. There will also be groceries, car maintenance, insurance, rent and other finances that you will share now that you’re married. You might argue about the expenses and debts but always keep a clear head when discussing about money.
Keeping receipts and record of paid bills will help you both understand where the money is spent. You can even have a notebook where you can list all of that down. When everything is clear to both of you, there’s nothing to argue about in the first place.
8. Date Night
Romance ain’t going nowhere.
Don’t skip date nights! You’re now married and living together but it doesn’t mean you don’t need to go out to dinner or go for a walk in the park. If you’re both busy with work, try scheduling one day of the week where you can hang out and just date.
9. Don't play the blame game
“It’s all your fault!”
If there’s a main ingredient in a recipe for a marriage disaster, it’s playing the blame game. Don’t be too harsh on whose fault it is and who forgot to pick up the laundry. You can tell your partner she did something wrong that upset you but don’t blame her for everything that went wrong during your whole marriage. Stick to what the problem is and don’t go beyond the present problem. Don’t bring back old issues that were already resolved. That only worsens the problem and it never ends pretty.
Always. Trust. Each. Other.
When you start to doubt each other, sit down and have a talk. Tell him or her why you’re feeling doubtful. Doubting your partner will never give you peace of mind and might drive your partner away from you, emotionally and physically. No one wants to be mistrusted. Think of how you would also feel if your partner doesn’t trust you when you’re not doing anything to be doubted. Put yourself in your partner’s place. Ask yourself if you’re being reasonable or if you’re just PMSing.
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